Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize