I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
