Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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