butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize