Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
