So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
