believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
