Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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