I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
