I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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