Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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