Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
