I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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