Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
