she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
