please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's great music for shaving your balls
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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