Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize