my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
