I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
