Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
