She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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