OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my sisters under your porch take her home
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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