what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
