trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
