I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize