I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
