That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
