I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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