There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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