No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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