My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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