Betty ford says i'm here all night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
