how can u be prego again
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
