So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its not stalking. its research.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize