uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
