just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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