There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
