This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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