woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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