You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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