Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
