I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
