sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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