My girlfriend figured out who you are.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
