Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
