so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
