Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
