There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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