Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
