Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
