I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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