i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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