I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize