and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
