guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
