Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
