***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
