Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
