i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
