Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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