i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
