If i come over, it means nothing
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize