So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
