you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
