i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
